AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

Today, I cried for the first time in Madrid. Oh wait, no I've cried before, but this was the first time I cried ABOUT Madrid. It was like all my frustration just came out...in tears because sadly that's the easiest way for me.

The past few weeks, I've been going back and forth with this teaching thing. I wasn't quite sure if I like it. I didn't like the fact that I had to do work at home, and honestly, I'm just too lazy to do lesson planning sometimes. In class, I was struggling with making all my students happy. Half of them have never had any previous English lessons, and the other half have had English lessons. I didn't quite know how to teach both levels without boring or demotivating (the worst thing a teacher can do!) anyone.

But then after doing it for about a week and a half straight, I started to get used to it. I was getting to know and understand my student's needs. I was slowly establishing a structure in my class, finding the right balance in teaching a wide range of beginner level students. I was even able to overcome a huge challenge this week. On Monday I got two new students: one higher level; the other very, very beginner with low motivation. The higher beginner fit right in. The low beginner was crying on Tuesday. She felt very lost and confused. It didn't help that everyone was ganging up on her because they thought she was going to delay the rest of the class if I had to reteach everything she had missed the first two weeks.

Yesterday, after doing some regulatin' in the class (I had to do the "We're all adults, so let's all be nice" speech) and seeing a I'm-ok-now-I-understand smile on the new student's face, I was happy and content for the very first time since I started teaching. But of course, it was too good to be true.

Today as I was having my daily cafe con leche and tostada with my students, they mentioned how they will have to find another course in March when they finish with this course. That comment got me all confused. When I was offered and I accepted this job, I was told that I would be teaching at this training center until June. I told my students that and they confirmed that the course is over for them at the end of February. Then we all thought maybe I would get another set of students.

After break, we went back to the training center and I asked Maria, my coordinator at the center who speaks very little English, about the dates. She also confirmed it. A student asked her in Spanish if I was going to get a new set of students and she said no. I may not have understood every word that she said, but I didn't need anyone to translate it for me. She said, "Tita didn't tell you?". Tita owns/runs the academy I technically work for. Language academies here find teachers and provides them to clients. I was pissed!

For the rest of the class, I was just annoyed and not my bubbly self. My students were trying to make me feel better (they've all gotten used to my perkiness and could tell I was angry from the way I was teaching), but it just wasn't helping. I called Tita during the next break. She says she didn't know about it either and she will talk to them. But for some reason, I feel like someone is lying to me. When I talked to both Maria and Tita, I feel like they both knew about it and just didn't tell me. I'm just not getting any good vibes from anyone.

So, I got on my bus back to Madrid and cried about it. It was like all my frustrations just came out and I couldn't stop. I'm frustrated because I don't have any friends. I'm frustrated because I'm retarded and can't learn the language quickly enough. I'm frustrated because just when I think things are good, something terrible happens.

I knew going into this that it won't be perfect. I knew that it might take a while for me to really feel good and happy. I knew that there would be good days and bad days. But today was just a bad day. So bad I really just want to get trashed this weekend. But who do I get drunk with? And with what money (now that I am possibly going to be unemployed - again - sooner than I thought)?

Joder!